I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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