all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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