ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
