No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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