as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
