I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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