She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
