rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize