nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
