Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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