new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
