we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize