Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
