i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize