Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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