my phone needs a breathalizer
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
