someone owes me an orgasm
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
