Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
