can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just pee around me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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