I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
