Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
