I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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