Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
