its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
