No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
