your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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