We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
