how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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