Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
