Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
