no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
