around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
