Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize