it was like eating out sand paper
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
