Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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