Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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