I got chris browned last night
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
