Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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