i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
