there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
