dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
