Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But break dance skills will only take you so far
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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