god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
