listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
