sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
