I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
