We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
