We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
