the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
