you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
