all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
