no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
