my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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