Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
