i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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