He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
