God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
