The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
