I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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