you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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