Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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