I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
