She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
