So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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