I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
