Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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