i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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