At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
