Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
