We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
should my penis look like a turkey
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
