as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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