What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
