I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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